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Simple Steps is a safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.
- Cheryl Maloney

A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

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On Living

May 10, 2015 by Cheryl Maloney

 There was a time in my life that I didn’t want to crawl out from under the covers.  I was in a place 6 years ago where I’d lost everything that was important to me, except my marriage, and with it went my desire to do anything. One night I was watching TV when a commercial for antidepressants came on and I realized that’s what my life had become.  I existed.  That’s when I began writing and how Simple Steps came to be.

To say that this year didn’t start out the way I’d hoped is an understatement.  These last years though have taught me so much about myself and the choices I can make.  Yes, I am grieving and I’m OK with that.   There is however a bigger picture.  I’m not hiding under the covers.

Every experience teaches us something new about ourselves and our resilience.   We may not like the lesson but we can celebrate something… even though it may take a little while to do so.  Jack is the love of my life (period).  But my life goes on in this world and he’s in another one.   So while I may be grieving I’m also living.

Yesterday I volunteered at the Humane Society Doggie Dash here in Portland.  Last weekend my friend Jane & I drove out to wine country and explored the little towns, shops & sat on a beautiful deck and had a glass of wine.  Next weekend I’m driving to Seattle to visit friends and enjoy the city.   In June I’m celebrating my 60th birthday with friends in San Francisco.  Life goes on. And we take it at the pace that is right for us.

We find our balance and we move on.  We honor ourselves and make the conscious decision to find happiness again.  And if we fall into a black hole or lapse backward for a while that’s OK too.  We’re allowed to feel the pain just as we’re allowed to feel the joy again.

Anyone who knew Jack & I would say that I’m doing amazingly well in these last 3 months.  I choose to see moving forward as honoring his spirit.  If Jack could die with courage and grace then I can live with courage and grace… even if I have to live without him.
Life may not always be easy… but it’s our to do with as we choose.  What do you choose?

With love, Cheryl

Profoundly Human

March 31, 2015 by Cheryl Maloney

LonelinessFor the last 10 days I’ve been training for my job, far away from my home.  At some point I had to become gainfully employed to support myself.  I know it was the best thing for me to do.

I feel lucky that my instructors are fun, kind and compassionate people.  They’ve made this trip more bearable because being away from home is just not what I wanted or needed so shortly after Jack’s death.  But life goes on and sometimes we have to pull on our big girl (or boy) pants and go on with it.

Being in a hotel room has amplified my sadness.  I can’t pick up the phone or Skype with Jack about my day, laugh about teaching an old dog new tricks or even complain about the heat.  We use to talk about everything and like any long-married couple we understood each other. But I can’t talk to him… and my loneliness is heartbreaking even to me.  So I cry.

The truth is that I am OK with my tears, with my sadness and even with being alone.  I had a wonderful marriage to the love of my life.  I was blessed and am blessed for having Jack in my life for 36 years.  What I am experiencing now is, well, just part of life.   And isn’t that why we are here in the first place?  To have this physical experience?  There was never a promise that this life would be all roses and sunshine anymore that it would be all doom and gloom.

I need to glean every bit of experience that I can in this lifetime and my pain is part of that.  I don’t have to like it but somehow I’m going to figure out how to appreciate it.  At some point I’ll be grateful for all of it… the tears, the sadness, and the loneliness… even if at the moment I cuss the seemingly unfairness of it.

As I sit here, alone,  at this moment my promise to myself is that I won’t stop living because I’ve loved and lost.  I will live because I was blessed to have Jack in my life and to witness the courage of his life.   I will live because that is what I came here to do. I will be happy again because I know that is the choice I will make for me.  All of this makes me profoundly human.  And I’m OK with that too.

As always, Cheryl

You are Your Own Greatest Cheerleader

November 3, 2014 by Janet Thomas

Fotolia_54239935_Subscription_XXLRecently I participated in a women’s expo. Vendors converged from far and wide to share their goods – cosmetics, perfumes, hair products, clothing, self-defense items, protein powders, energy bars, and anything else you can imagine that serve women. In addition, there were speakers and workshops and do-it-yourself instructional areas. And, I was there with my books.

I decided beforehand that I would focus on sharing information I felt could brighten someone’s day. So I spent both days standing in front of my booth passing out my Heal For Real!™ bookmarks. I offered a bookmark to the women (and the few men) who walked by. While handing it to them, I shared one message from the bookmark, a phrase at the very top of it – “I am my own greatest cheerleader.”

I reminded them that they are their own greatest cheerleader, so talk nicely to themselves, and be kind to themselves because they deserve it. It was fun to see so many beautiful faces light up when they accepted the bookmark. When I shared this idea with young girls, they beamed. For me it was a completely gratifying experience

It occurred to me that loving and cheering for people is easy because we are naturally loving beings. We thrive on encouragement and support, just as children do. Even though we soak it up like a sponge, we have learned to survive without healthy doses of encouragement and support. Why is that? Why do we ration self-encouragement like we are at war with ourselves?

It may be very challenging to be self-encouraging. Perhaps we didn’t receive it growing up, and we didn’t witness others’ self-encouragement because we typically nurture ourselves through inner dialogue.

At any rate, be open to the idea of self-encouragement. Now be willing live the idea by practicing it. It is always possible to turn over a new leaf. It is always possible to learn a new habit. And the time to start is right now.

You are your own greatest cheerleader, so talk nicely to yourself. Remember that your thoughts are like clouds in the sky.   They are always changing and moving. Give yourself a break about how you think. Acknowledge yourself. Tell yourself, “I hear you” and keep things moving. You will be on to the next thought before you know it anyway!

You are your own greatest cheerleader, so be kind to yourself. You would be kind to an innocent child, wouldn’t you? In what ways would you show kindness to a little one? Apply those same words and acts of kindness to yourself.

You are your own greatest cheerleader. Talk nicely to yourself and be kind to yourself because you deserve it. So often we believe we are not valuable because we experienced non-preferred situations while growing up. We believe that if we were good, those things wouldn’t have happened. But, we experience heartbreak in many forms to show us that we have the strength to recover from them and open our hearts even more. And that takes courage, which we learn by being encouraging.

Just today, be kind to yourself in some way and you will begin to lighten up. When you transform on the inside, you transform your world. We need your light. We need your gifts. We need you to be happy and encouraged!

Janet D. Thomas

Illness or Just ‘The Way We Are?’

October 20, 2014 by Robbie Adkins

Fotolia_4917303_Subscription_LThree times in the last week I have woken in the middle of the night and not been able to get back to sleep. I viewed this as a problem…that something was “wrong” with me that needed to be fixed. Oh dear, what should I do? I have had this problem on and off all my life and it seems to come and go…it seems to happen more when I am under stress. Oddly it seems to happen when I have done strenuous exercise during that day. Shouldn’t that make me sleep better?

This morning, as I was doing my regular review of Facebook posts, I found one posted listing an article that states that, up until we lighted our cities, this is the WAY WE SLEPT…in segments! It makes sense that when it got dark, we would go to sleep. Now, we stay up late into the night with our amazing electrical devices keeping us awake and entertained.

Ironically, that is what I turn to when I am awake in the early hours of the morning…the television!

So, in an instant, I went from a lifetime of thinking there was something “wrong”, instead, perhaps I was just doing what the genetics of my body have done for thousands of years!

Wow, erasing a lifetime problem with one Facebook article!

Thank you to the people who did the research and to the person that posted it! Here is the link.

What a HUGE shift in attitude this is for me. It makes me wonder how many other things in my life that I consider “problems” really aren’t. What a giant weight off my shoulders!

We are living in an amazing time of shared knowledge. What we pull out of the ever-growing “collective book of knowledge” depends greatly on our attitude. If you are looking for darkness, surely you will find it. There is more than enough to go around. But, if instead, you BELIEVE that the lighted wisdom is coming through more and more, that is what you will magnetically draw to you. With the state of communication such as it is in this time, you can attract ANY kind of information to you that you BELIEVE you can.

Form follows thought, now more than ever.

Now, I just have to figure out what to do with these middle of the night sessions…and of course that could mean going to sleep earlier too! I need to get enough sleep to be sure, but understanding that this is not an illness gives me a better starting place to find a new way to get enough sleep IN this electronic age. I don’t really want to go back to being a cave person but I do want to operate at my very best.

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