A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Traffic….the Path to Nirvana

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RD2On any one day, most of us will open the door to a car, sit down behind the steering wheel, turn the key and navigate our way through a maze of blacktop, concrete, on-ramps, exits, bridges, tunnels, school zones, construction sites and when we’re really lucky, wide open pavement which leads us to some destination other than the one where we are. Sometimes as we’re driving around I say to Rob, “Look at all these people who are someplace that they don’t want to be!”   This is the cause of …… TRAFFIC!

Traffic is one of the most interesting and relative happenings of which I know. Whether there is any traffic to speak of or not really depends on what time of day it is, what city you are in, how big the roads are compared to how many cars are on those roads, weather conditions and most of all the mental and emotional state of all the different folks driving all those cars.  Yes, the mental and emotional state! Are the drivers on their way to or from a job they love or hate? Are they out running errands with no set schedule? Are they on their way to an emergency care unit to tend to a loved one? Are they texting, talking on the phone, eating or trying to find street signs because they are lost? All of this reflects on how your fellow road-mates react to the conditions they are in and inevitably how well they stay in their lane.

I have found that once we enter our cars we become islands – separated from the rest of the world no matter what time of day it is or how many other cars are along on our journey. With our doors locked and stereo on, we cruise along on a path we believe belongs totally to us. Sometimes forgetting the driver’s ed. classes that we endured so many years ago!    Rules, regulations and courtesy are sometimes forgotten by us and at the same time MUST be remembered by everyone else. I can’t believe how many times I have found myself saying; “Can you believe that so-in-so? Where did they learn to drive?” When perhaps it was I who was following a little too close or driving a little too fast.

*Driving Quiz: When is it OK not to use a turn single?

  1. When there is no one behind you.
  2. When you are in a turn only lane.
  3. When there is no one in the on-coming lane.
  4. When turning right on red.
  5. One should always use a turn signal when changing direction or lanes.

The most broken laws on the road these days are: speeding, failure to stop, improper turns, use of a cell phone and distracted or dangerous driving. How often do you break or bend these rules? Are you justified in speeding because you are late for an appointment? Do you just “roll” through stop signs or past a school bus? Do you really stop before you make that right turn on a red light? Are you guilty of texting while driving?   What about trying to read the newspaper or a map or putting on makeup while behind the wheel?

My questioning here has made me really begin to pay attention to my own driving habits and I began to notice some unkindness in myself as I was driving. Why did my everyday practices of giving and service morph into self-serving habits once I sat down behind the wheel? I found that almost as soon as I sat down in the car my heart rate would elevate just a little. Wow, how surprising! Even when I was really trying to be the best driver I could be, I found that I became intoxicated by the drivers around me. If someone started to pass me on the inside – what did I do? – I accelerated!  Turn signals weren’t so automatic for me and merging was sometimes a struggle. The more I noticed, the more I realized it was a time for a change. So, I have begun to look at my driving skills in a new light – in fact I have begun to shine a light on exactly what I’m doing when I’m behind the wheel. I began to pay attention to how I was driving and how I reacted to the situations presented to me when I am behind the wheel.

I turned to my everyday practices which have allowed me to be a more caring person. These practices have opened me up to be one who is more caring to myself and others and to be of service to everyone. Somehow, when I was in my ‘island car’, these practices eluded me. I felt the separation when I got into a car! Now, I work every time I’m the driver, to approach traffic of any kind, as a practice – an opportunity to offer kindness, compassion and forgiveness to those around me and to be of service to my fellow commuters. I remind myself to back off the gas so as to allow that silver car to merge onto the freeway. I stop short of a red traffic light to allow someone to pull out of a parking lot or corner gas station. I pull over and stop for an emergency vehicle to pass and I even stop at a corner with no marked crosswalk so the person standing there may cross the street (remembering that I am the one sitting in a warm, dry car!). In some cases these are just random acts of kindness – in other cases it may save a life!RD1

We are community based beings. No matter how small or how large our immediate community is, we all deal with traffic. Use your time behind the wheel to bestow kindness and generosity to those around you. You don’t have to give money to be generous; you can simply give the person on the ‘on-ramp’ an opportunity to merge, or the guy in front of you a little more room. These everyday situations can be turned into Sacred Moments.   Yep, even in the heights of rush-hour traffic we can drop all judgments, take a deep breath and bless our fellow travelers on their journey and extend random acts of kindness to everyone we pass. No one but you will know about these random acts of kindness…and that my friend is true service!

Happy trails.  Steve & Rob

*Answer to the Quiz – e. One should always use a turn signal when changing directions or lanes.

The Brink Of Revelation

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Fotolia_28591994_Subscription_Monthly_MThe New Year, as we call it, is one of many man-made conventions for keeping time in order. It’s one of those things we invented so that everyone is able to speak a common language about time and, therefore, set appointments, make plans and stay organized in order to get things done. But is January 1st the best time to set a resolution of change for yourself?

There are other “New Year” celebrations throughout the year. The first day of Spring in mid-March is the start of nature’s New Year. It is when the energy of the planet in the Northern Hemisphere is ready to pop open new and fresh. Then there is the monthly New Moon which nurtures the ‘seed,’ which can represent our consciousness, or simply a new project. The seed starts the journey from the depths of the soil to emerge into the light of day. Or perhaps Samhain/Halloween, called Witch’s or Pagan New Year because the top part of the planet is going dormant to rest and gather strength for the next cycle of growth and expansion. Everything needs to gather strength before it can grow in a new and healthy way.

There are also other “New Year” demarcations throughout most religions and spiritualities that have nothing to do with January 1.

I believe every day is an opportunity for a new start, a new perspective, a step on a fresh path. Every day we are on the brink of revelation. But we have to go inside and listen to the silence. Many of us are afraid of the silence inside. But within the silence, we open ourselves up to hear the voice of our own inner guide. In Sanskrit it is called Atman, the inner guru, who knows us and guides us on our path of fulfillment and meaning. It guides us to find our purpose.

Any or every morning, when we wake up from our nighttime slumber, is an opportunity to ‘wake up’ from the slumber we are in during our waking hours. It is then, in that moment of awakening, we can make resolutions not only for our life but also for the present moment. We can open ourselves up to trying something different. The opportunity is there for us EVERY DAY and Every Moment.

I love January. It’s my birth month, and maybe for some of us, it is the best time to start a new resolve towards a path to be a better US. But it’s not the only time.

Most of us are searching for meaning and purpose in our lives, so we make resolutions to be a better person – whatever our concept of that may be. Have you ever thought “Who I am right now and what I am doing right now is exactly what I need to be doing for my growth?” “But,” you might say, “I am not happy as I am right now.” “I don’t feel good.” “I am over weight.” “I don’t like how I react to or judge people, etc, etc … ”

The thought that you want something better for yourself is “being at the point of revelation.” When your awareness lets you know or guides you to look at your life and shift your perspective, you are on the road to authentic change.

At that point of awareness, you might want to find ways to nurture this pathway of thinking by reading Simple Steps, Real Change daily; meditating or exercising regularly; hiring a life coach or someone to keep you accountable on your new journey. Or simply take steps such as practicing kindness, saying thank you and being grateful.

Our resolutions need to be about deepening our love for ourselves, not about doing what we think we are “supposed” to do.

The mind can sometimes be like an adolescent that is out of control.

Starting a daily habit of sitting quietly to tame the adolescent mind which rules our life can be a way to affect all the other changes we might want to see for ourselves. Many times it is our mind that talks us out of staying resolute. Look to see what is keeping you from truly being the incredible human being you want to be and resolve to work on that issue.

There is no greater journey than the journey to KNOWING your True Self.

DECIDE: “This is the year and the time for me to know myself to the core of my being, and from this point, I invite courage and strength to be my guides.”

Every day we are on the Brink of Revelation. Breathe fully into knowing each day can be your New Year’s Day. Be spacious inside and fly high and free.

Dancing With The Angels

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One thing I really like about maturity is the amount of experience you have to pull from. La Ricoeta 045Pull what, you may ask? Well, a treasure of happenings, memories and the opportunity for current happenings to garner a deeper meaning. Let me explain.

Recently, my partner Steve and I were visiting our friends Paul Boynton and his partner Mike Wynne, who live in New Hampshire. The first night we were there I had the most incredible dream. I was standing in front of an old wooden table and on the table was a book stand or lectern that held an ancient manuscript. It must have been 36” by 48 “ and it was old. The paper was yellowed crisp parchment. The script was old English from about the 1400 or 1500’s.

(I know this because I studied Old English script in graduate school so I could actually read it. Coincidence or subconscious bleed through?)

On the pages there were prayers to the 9 levels or choirs of angels— the seraphim, cherubim…………..( I grew up Catholic and have a Catholic education through College.)

In the dream I recited each of the these series of prayers to each level of the angelic hierarchy. It was almost as if I were a magician or alchemist calling on the powers of the angels to assist me with a special intention of service I felt compelled to carry out. I knew in my heart that I needed help. Whatever it was I was trying to accomplish required that I surrender to a higher power or powers to bring about the results needed. Whatever I was doing was not about me. I felt like a conduit of some kind and that I was supposed to call on the benevolent assistance of all the angels but especially Michael and Gabriel.

I woke up and laid there with my eyes closed. I was full of this dream and wondered what it meant. This is not my usual type of dream for sure. I tried to meditate to see if I could gather any meaning from the dream before moving into the world that day. My mind and body were so full of the dream and the crisp details of it that it was difficult for me to empty my mind to just be.

When I opened my eyes there on the wall was a beautiful, ornate Russian Icon of Michael, the archangel, also known as The Protector and the Prince of the Seraphim. I had not noticed it the night before because it was behind the door. So we closed the door and turned off the lights and went to bed.

Wow—- there was one of my archangel friends looking down on me. Had I caught a glimpse of him before sleeping and I just didn’t remember? My mind was trying to make sense of the whole experience. But my spirit was not having it. It spoke to me and said breathe. Sit with what you saw and just be with it

I mentioned the dream to my partner Steve and to Mike that morning. We commented on the uniqueness of it and the fact that the icon was hanging there and watching over us all night.

A few days later, and once back home in Cincinnati, I decided to combine my meditation practice and yoga into one. So I sat in the side yard and enjoyed the beautiful summer breeze as it caressed my skin and I lost my self in the stillness and the delicious void of the space between my eyes. I kept getting the image of wings. Was it because I could hear birds all around me? Hmmm…..

I started my yoga practice and each time I did a swan dive forward into a forward bend, I felt as if I had wings. It was all very cool but I was still not sure what was happening with this.

Then I went into savasana, also known as corpse pose- where you lie still and just let everything go. Almost as soon as I closed my eyes I was in a vision of a memory. It was 1993 or 1994. I was in our retail store, LeftHanded Moon on Court Street in Cincinnati OH. Steve was helping a customer who had come in to shop. She brought her one year old twins—- who were getting a little restless. I offered to hold them while she shopped. I had one boy in each arm and bounced them around a bit. As I always do with small children I danced with them in my arms and I asked them to tell me any secrets they might remember from the time before they were born. I remember distinctly both boys looking right at me and just going on and on in unintelligible baby gibberish. They were telling me!! And I had forgotten the language they were using to tell me. I was so excited and wished with all my heart I could understand.

WOW. That memory was brought back so vividly today. And the meaning was not lost on me.

The babies names were Gabriel and Micheal and born on my birthday— some thirty years later but the three of us share January 13 as our nativity.

Let me say it again WOW!! I am still not sure what all this means but I can tell you that I am paying attention. And you can see why I am appreciating my maturity. However it all comes together— my old english studies, catholic background, the experience with the twins in the 1990’s, it all came together last Monday in a house I had never been to, nestled in the woods of New Hampshire where an image of an archangel hangs on a

wall and as I see it, took the opportunity to speak with me through the symbols of a dream.

What does it all mean? I am not sure. but as I finish this article the words- “in my soul I believe I can change the world” are being recited. So how does the Universe talk to us? In so many ways. We just have to have to have our eyes, our ears, our conscious and our subconscious and our Heart open to all possibilities. So in those moments when you feel less than connected to The Universe or Creation or whatever term you use, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask to be connected and to feel a part of the experience of being alive. Then sit back and pay attention.

The definition of an angel is “a pure spirit created by God”. That is each and every one of us.

I am grateful for all the experiences of my life. I invite you to be also.

Here’s to the mystery and power of love that will have us all change the world.

Weeds, Wildflowers & Roses

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RobSteve1

The house where I live was built in 1894. It’s a three-story, wood frame, “shotgun house”. The lot is only 30 feet wide and 100 feet deep and luckily the house takes up most of this.   My partner and I enjoy a long beautiful deck off the side of the house and I have planted small, manageable gardens out in front of the house and around the perimeter of the backyard. I love spending time in my gardens, putzing here and there, adding new plants or moving existing plants to a new spot in the garden. I have found that getting dirt under my fingernails is certainly a meditation for me.

A few weeks ago we were entertaining a few friends at the house and I had the opportunity to show off my garden. One of our guests, Tom, knows a lot about flowers and gardening and at first I was a little shy in showing it off to him but it turned out that he relished in the variety of the garden. Stopping at one flower bed I pointed to a bunch of plants and I told him that I wasn’t sure what they were – in fact I was convinced that they were weeds – but I liked the flower it produced. The plants grew about a foot tall, with wide long leaves that followed the stem and finished with a tiny bell-shaped blue flower. Tom told me the Latin name of the plant and then said, “Yea, it’s a weed,” and then added, “but if you like the flower, who cares?”

I had to stop and think about this for a moment. How true – that’s really what it all comes down to, right? What do you like? We spend our days going back and forth between, I like this and I don’t like that. If the flower of any plant is appealing to me, why call it a weed? So, I decided to look up the definition of weed and according to Webster, a ‘weed’ is: a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth; especially:  one that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants. I find it interesting that ‘valued’ and ‘desirable’ are both used in this definition – especially because these two words are subjective and can a have completely different meaning to any two people. It made me think about what I value and what I find desirable. That led me to one of the many traps of the mind – “attraction and aversion” – “good and bad” – “right and wrong.”

All of Life is an expression of Shakti or Prakriti – the energy of creation and nature. The Dandelion is no different than the Rose – the Thistle is no different than the Iris – each is one form; or one expression of the creator – Shakti! Just like you and I! No one thing is better or worse than another. Everything has been created equal. But we want to put labels on things and put them into nice neat categories. We may think that this makes getting through our day a little easier – but really all these judgments slow us down. Why do we need to have an opinion on everything? Why must we have a favorite color, or a favorite place to vacation? Why must we think the driver that just cut in front of us is a bad driver – when in fact, maybe they are rushing to the hospital because their spouse is giving birth!

Shakespeare says through Hamlet; “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Sometimes it comes down to our intention – a few beers with old friends is a great way to catch up, but drinking a six-pack or more to drown your sorrows because you missed a deadline at work, may not be the best choice. It’s not that you drink beer but why you are drinking the beer. If our intentions are in line with our own nature, then good and bad are mute points and we can begin to stop judging each and every thing that passes in front of us.

One way to stop the madness is to begin by noting to yourself that you are passing judgment as you are in the middle (or maybe even the beginning) of the judgment. Try it. Next time you are in the grocery store for example and you peer into the cart of the person in line behind you – STOP, before you think, ‘Well. No wonder they are…’. Having a judgment about what you see in someone else’s cart is of no use to you. What your judgments do – good or bad – is they begin to tear YOU down because the judgment reflects on how different you are from them. ‘Oh, look at all those vegetables – I should eat more vegetables, no wonder I’m fat.’ Or, ‘look at all those frozen dinners, they are full of sodium, no wonder they are so out of shape.’ Try it! A judgment arises; stop it by saying to yourself, judgment. You may find yourself, during your tour around the grocery store, or your next commute to work, saying judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment…..I was so busy saying judgment to myself the first time I tried this I began to laugh out loud.

Our judgments coincide with our expectations and our expectations are fed by our fears and hopes. We say we hope ‘xzy’ will happen, when in fact, what we are saying is we fear that ‘acb’ will happen instead. We long for pleasure and we shy away from pain. If we can get to a point of non-judgment or non-attachment we can start to move away from the trap of pleasure and pain, good and bad. Now, there are some good reasons to have expectations or to be judgmental – ‘the fire is hot, if I touch it I will get burned’.   Judgments on the level of survival are important – but judgments that compare or separate are of little or no use.

There’s a Buddhist story of a man who has an arrow in his eye – this arrow represents a judgment he holds about himself or a situation. In the story he tries to move the arrow slightly to the right in an effort to alleviate the pain – but this does not work, so he moves it to the left, again no relief. The pain caused by the arrow is a reflection of the pain we cause ourselves by holding onto judgments. Really all we need to do is drop the judgment (or pull the arrow from our eye) and the pain will be gone. But, we have a bad habit of growing attached to our judgments – they become so much a part of who we are that we almost forget that they cause us such pain. Lodro Rinzler, in his book “The Buddha Walks Into A Bar…” says is best…. “If you are constantly solidifying strong opinions and expectations, it is just as if you are sticking an arrow in your eye. It is foolish to think that we will find lasting happiness by trying to change things to make them more in line with our desires.”

Drop your opinions and find freedom. Move to the middle road and find spaciousness. See the weeds, wildflowers and roses for what they are – an expression of the creator.

Peace,

Steve Bolia

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