A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Aloha and Namaste’

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Themes for Life picSteve and I first went to Hawai’i in 2002 and again in 2003. We longed to go back but as we all know, life happens and takes us on what we perceive as detours. I say perceived detours because everything that happened in that 14 year period was important to our personal evolution. I like to think of it as gathering what we needed and going back at just the right time.

We wanted to go back because we are intrigued and inspired by Hawaii. There is a magic about the place. It’s raw beauty has a magnetism to it that leaves deep impressions in your psyche.

On our earlier trips to Hawai’i and Kalani Honua Eco retreat center specifically, we were deep into our studies of Yoga as a philosophy of life. In a “spiritual nutshell” we were studying and living “Namaste”. Namaste is the Sanskrit greeting that means, “the divinity in me acknowledges and respects the divinity in you.”

First you acknowledge your divinity and then you open yourself to see it and respect it in everyone else.

In those same early visits we were introduced to the concept of Aloha.  We found that Aloha is more than an Hawaiian greeting or salutation.  Aloha is a way of life. It is described as “the joyful sharing of life energy in the present.  A life of aloha is living from a heart so full that it reaches out to everyone you meet. Aloha is living with love and compassion for your self and all beings.”  For us there was such a similarity in the meaning of Namaste and Aloha that we wanted to return and experience Aloha as the perfect complement to our Yoga lifestyle.  Namaste and Aloha seemed so aligned and connected. “The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

We weren’t exactly sure how to experience Aloha but we figured going back to Kalani and joining their community of volunteers was a good start. Last year in 2015, the timing for a return to the Big Island of Hawai’i seemed right. We applied for a sabbatical from late December to early February of 2016.

Before our acceptance into the program, we went through an interview process with the volunteer office of Kalani.  The volunteer coordinator asked if we had any experience living in community, since part of the program was offering two days of service per week and living in close proximity with the rest of the volunteers who support the retreats that are held there. In that initial interview, she also explained the Aloha way life. The Kalani  volunteer program was looking for individuals who wanted to come together and support each other in their individual growth and evolution while giving service to the greater whole. I shared that  because of being in a relationship for almost 30 years, I felt I had spent most of my life in community.   I also explained that our deep commitment to seeing the divinity in each person was right in line with Aloha.

Soon after we arrived I realized living with one other person for however long it has been, is quite different from living with a large group of people in close quarters day in and day out.  Add to this the remoteness of Kalani, perched on the eastern shore of the Puna Coast of the Big Island, and you have the experience of working, eating and sleeping with a group of 120 with little opportunity for escape!

There are many beautiful nuances to living in community if you just stop to pay attention and let the judgmental mind fade away. Not everyone is going to think the way you do. Motives and reasons for being there are as varied as the shapes, sizes and hair color— that is if you have hair, and plenty of us there did not – both male and female – for some it’s genetics and other’s it’s a choice. The point is, there are many different expressions of life going on in a community of this size. And plenty of opportunities to experiment with the Aloha Spirit.

Take for example, all the “make believe stories” that you create in your mind about other people. You have no facts but your mind has created a hypothesis that “could “ explain the situation but at some point you just start to believe your hypothesis to be fact. Your mental creation become your reality until proven otherwise. Usually your “MBS’s” (Make Believe Stories) as Steve and I refer to them, have no compassion in them and usually turn out to be judgmental and completely wrong.

I love finding out just how wrong I have been about people. It can be hilarious to find out that the reason they don’t say ‘hi’ everyday has nothing to do with me.  Imagine that!  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements,  agreement number two is, “Don’t take anything personally” and number three is, “Don’t make assumptions”.  These can come in handy when you live with 120 other people.  It is good advice for any of us attempting to increase our mindfulness in our everyday life but living with this many “seekers” makes it necessary for you to take these two agreements to heart and work with them every day. The alternative is you find yourself getting your feelings hurt and living in an insane state of judgment that has you trying to figure out why everyone isn’t like you.

To experience the true spirit of Aloha and Namaste combined I decided to open myself up to compassion by challenging my own MBS’s. Instead of letting my mind make up stories, during our communal meals, I started sitting with the folks who intrigued me. What better way to get to know someone than to break bread together.  My line was, “Tell me about your life….”
I heard great stories about their lives, their hopes and dreams. No more walls, no more stories of the mind. Now there was a heart connection.

Our Kalani appointed buddies, Arno and Crystal mentioned our astrology background in their introduction of us to the Kalani Ohana (family) in our first weekly volunteer meeting. This proved  to be another doorway to connection. Ironically, the folks who intrigued and baffled me, asked if they could sit down and discuss their charts. Talk about getting to know someone. The mini chart talks were so rich and lovely. Again, barriers of the mind were replaced with connection between our hearts.

I also noticed a sense of the Aloha spirit in the overall group dynamics.
For example,  there was very little gossip within this group of volunteers. That surprised me. But in this unique microcosm I found most of these people were working for personal growth and transformation which leaves little room for the smallness of gossip and misplaced projections. Instead they were open to learning from each other.

We were all there volunteering our services in various jobs, in this exquisite paradise. The jobs include, housekeeping, kitchen, horticulture, permaculture, maintenance and various administrative positions. In exchange for our service we were supplied with housing, all our meals and down time to sit and really be with ourselves.  I found a majority of the volunteers at Kalani are looking to question their mental perceptions of others and find “their heart voice” that gently nudges them to replace judgement of themselves and those around them with compassion.   Perception is something we can challenge and  change – – at any time.

There were also plenty of opportunities for reality checks in paradise! There were times when a few individuals pushed my buttons or “got under my skin”. Others admitted the same thing. Certain people were “hitting a hot spot” for them as well. How do you maintain Aloha when this occurs?  Well, in this Conscious group of souls, instead of attacking the character or actions of an individual, we discussed what that person was bringing up inside us about ourself. Perhaps  the person who got under our skin, was mirroring some aspect of our nature that we weren’t willing to acknowledge or embrace.  It felt like alchemy as we turned potential gossip and complaining about others into a path for personal transformation.  Aloha/Namaste.

Focusing on our own transformation and allowing others to live their lives without our interference or judgement, moves us closer to our own inner freedom. We start to ask ourselves questions so we can be objective about our problems. Instead of becoming trapped by our emotional reactions and blaming the world outside for why we aren’t feeling fulfilled, we take responsibility for our lives. We awaken to the power of the  Aloha of life.
When you feel anger, judgement, resentment well up inside you about another person, take a deep breath and open your heart to understanding the other person and their behavior. In doing so you allow yourself to move into living in compassion for yourself and all beings. That is when Change happens for the good of all.

Being here on Planet Earth, we live in community. We are given opportunities for growth everyday.  If we look deep into ourselves and slow down our judgmental minds, we begin to shift our view from seeing and labeling to knowing that each person, each soul, is on the same quest for happiness and fulfillment. Can you imagine the delicious freedom you would feel if we all did this? What if you stepped out of your door into your day, knowing you had the love and support of everyone you encountered and you were encouraged to express your uniqueness, find YOUR dream and LIVE it fully.

Hmmm…………..

Kalani Honua- translated, means where Heaven meets Earth. It is so beautiful there that it just might be the original Garden of Eden. Beyond its physical aesthetic there is also a paradise of self-discovery that lives and thrives there. It is not perfect because it is a work in progress.  Each of us is also a work in progress and less than perfect. But with effort and discipline, we can shift our perceptions and open our hearts to ourself and others. We can come to know that Namaste and Aloha live in our hearts.
All of our efforts toward being whole are worthwhile. As we come to know ourselves more fully by questioning our actions and reactions with each other, we shift into a place of inner freedom. If a sabbatical to Hawaii is not possible because of some detours in your life, where can you go or who can you be with that will help you shift into a place of inner freedom. Think about it. Finding answers to that question are worthwhile because you are worth all the efforts you make to be whole and holy.
It is from a place of freedom, understanding and compassion that I bow my head in reverence and say with all sincerity,
“The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

Aloha and Namaste my friends.

An Unexpected Visit With My Mom

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IMG_2131.JPGI have mentioned my mom Dottie in several of my articles.  Dottie was a huge influence on me – she still is and always will be — but recently I experienced an unexpected visit with a different Mom, one who had always been part of me but that I had forgotten….Let me explain.

Fourteen years ago Steve and I went on a retreat to the Big Island of Hawaii.  We stayed at an Eco-Retreat Center called Kalani Honua, meaning, The Harmony of Heaven and Earth in Hawaiian.  It was a magical time and we went back once more a few years later to experience the same magic. The last time as we pulled away from the property we cried. It is the only time either of us could remember crying at the end of a vacation.

The experience of those magical days are etched clearly in our memory.  We pulled our red Mustang convertible to the end of the Kalani driveway and waved our hands, as we walked to “The Point”- a secluded, yet accessible jut of land right across the Red Road at the entrance to Kalani. It overlooks a wide expanse of the Pacific Ocean.  We waved goodbye, threw some kisses then climbed into the car and pulled onto the Red Road.   And we cried – hard – as we headed towards the airport..

We talked about that departure many times over the last decade.   We also talked about returning to Kalani at some point for an extended stay.

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve 2015.

After many years of “life” happenings, we decided to take the leap. In May of 2015, we  applied for a Sabbatical at Kalani.  We wanted a 5 week stay to recharge, rejuvenate, relax and get creative about our lives. We asked to come the last week of December to the first week of February.   And we were accepted.  Yes!!!

The past 12 years we spent New Year’s on Key West, another Island. It was hard to change that pattern as we knew the staff at the Guest House so well.  We knew the other guest, the places to eat…….it was easy to relax immediately on arrival with so much familiarity.

But we both knew we needed something different. We needed to shake things up and to challenge ourselves to spark our creativity.

Enter Kalani.

We knew it would be completely different as we would be unplugging from our life for 5 weeks and going to the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where California is 2500 miles away and Japan is  4100 miles away.  We would be 10 or more hours and 5 times zones away from home.

As the departure day from Cincinnati got closer, we got nervous.  To uproot ourselves and move into somewhat unknown territory is not the easiest thing to do for two Earth Signs (a Capricorn and a Virgo).  In spite of that, we felt there was a reason, something was pulling us to Hawaii and to Kalani or The Puna Coast specifically.

We arrived late to Kalani on a Tuesday night.  It was dark when we got to our room.  We were very tired from a long day of travel.  Kalani is an eco-retreat, which tries hard to keep the footprint we are all making, as small as possible. It is earthy and rustic in its simple elegance and charm.
Being tired, we were not so receptive to its simple charm on the first night- it was more like, “What the ______ have we done?”

Our inner “princesses” where making an appearance. We realized the expectations which where in our heads where not meeting with reality in our arrival moment.

But even that first night we could hear beyond the coqui frog’s mating song, to the lullaby of the crashing waves on the nearby black cliffs.  She was calling to me. She – the Ocean – my different mom!.

The next morning was spent in orientation to the Kalani property and a few other logistical things regarding our stay.  The following day, we worked a full day in our first volunteer housekeeping shift.  It wasn’t until about 4 pm Hawaii time that we got to walk out to The Point to see “Her” with our own eyes.   As we entered the canopied sanctuary they call The Point, I spontaneously said out loud – “we’re back!”  And just as spontaneously, I began to cry.  Not just streaming tears but deep, full sobs as I felt I was back with someone dear who I had not seen in a long time and for whom I had great longing.

I was surprised at my own reaction at first but I went with it. I let the tears come and I let the ecstasy of our reunion flow through me in a series of inner waves.  It was magic.

Two days later we made our way to the near-by black sand beach, Kehena. To get to this little gem, you have to climb down a steep rocky natural lava staircase which takes some effort and a certain degree of mindfulness.  Once on the beach you are surrounded by the black cliffs, the lush deep green foliage and the coarse black sand.   Steve and I laid down our towels.  I perched on a nearby tree stump to do some writing – but, I was distracted.  I wanted to get in the salty water – “Her”.  I closed my journal and coerced Steve to go in with me.

We walked out to where the water came up to about mid thigh and then back in to sit in the shallow water to feel the waves wash over us.  Instantly, I was a little kid again.  Actually I was more a baby-child of about 2 or 3 years old – I was being held.  The waves got a little rambunctious and knocked us over.  It was rolling us around- back and forth.  I was covered in black sand.  I was overcome with spontaneous, uncontrollable deep laughter. It was the laughter of a child being lovingly moved around by its Mom.  A slight tickle and caress.  I let go.  I rolled. I laughed. Again I let the ecstasy of this nurturing love move through me.  Ahhhhh………..

This sense of being cared for by mother earth, in all Her forms but especially this salty embryonic fluid of the ocean, had erased any doubts I may have had about being here.

The love I felt from the sounds of her waves and her touch were more nurturing than anything I can possibly describe.

I am from the mid-west.  There is no ocean.  It’s not like I grew up with Her caressing me daily. What is it about Her that calls me, calms me and nurtures me?  My good friend and teacher, Bobbie Corbean, used to say, “My spirit needs to get to the ocean. I need a shot of the ocean water and sun on my face”

Nature is our ultimate mother.  She doesn’t subtract anything from the relationship I have with my Mom Dottie.  As a matter of fact our relationship with nature adds to all of our personal human relations. We can go back into nature when we need to feel we are being held, nurtured and loved unconditionally.

I am now coming to realize that being in and with nature, in her many forms, is a necessity for me.   She brings a sense of calmness to me. I feel like wounds I may not even be aware of, are being healed.  Is there stuff in our DNA which we inherit from our ancestors that needs to be released by a personal connection to nature?

I still ponder these thoughts and my spontaneous crying and laughing as I came back to Her presence.   Sitting with Her and in Her, in stillness and in silence, I feel love. I do. I feel love.

Steve and I can hear Her from our room at Kalani. Yet we find ourselves wanting to be closer to Her so we walk to The Point frequently.  Many times we don’t speak.  A few days ago, after sitting there for about 5 minutes, I started to cry again.  My best friend Steve, pulled me to his shoulder. My control freak inner self, let myself be comforted by him and Her. I had a deep long healing cry.  About what, I am not sure. Afterwards I felt better.  There were no words.

I share this with you because I am surprised at what is happening here in Hawaii, at Kalani Honua— meaning where Heaven and Earth meet.   I suggest that you plan an unexpected visit with your Mom— Mother Nature.  She holds us when we are weary.  She smiles when we are in ecstasy.  She loves us unconditionally, always.

Wherever you are in the world, find a place to be with Her and get quiet.  Imagine yourself being held and loved to the depths of your being—— and then know it to be true.

Peace

A New You Right Now

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My friend Jeannine comes for her massages early in the morning.   More often than not, Jeanine, Steve and I have a great conversation about the most important things in life—- real down and dirty soul matters before they disappear into the massage treatment room.

I love these conversations and they leave me with so much on which to contemplate and meditate. This week was no exception. The conversation was about “new beginnings” and “starting new”.  Her comment was that everyone is so focused on their “New Year’s Resolution” that they completely forget that today is the perfect time to start a new.  She went on to comment about how after putting all our energy into January 1, if there is a “fall from grace”, for what ever reason, we give up, we throw in the towel, we become depressed.  We failed again so once more, we may say, why try in the first place.

What about today? What about right now?

This time of new beginnings at January 1 is all human made.  Our calendar helps us to track time and make appointments/plans but any day in our life is a great time to start a new plan of action in our life.  Right Now!

What can you change or resolve to do in this moment that will bring about lasting changes for a lifetime? What can you do everyday of your life that will help you stay on track to being the biggest and brightest version of yourself?

To begin with, Fall in love with you!  That’s right. Dedicate time, energy and passion to yourself.

In my meditation workshops, I suggest to my students to start each day by looking themselves in the eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you”.   The secret is to really look, to truly see yourself and be present as you say it.

Some students freak out. “I could never do that. That is so intense.”

It can start out that way.  So maybe start with just looking at yourself – really look at yourself!   In a day or two maybe add a smile.  Then, the next week add, “Hey, I like you.”  Work up to it until there is a full-fledged “I love you” coming to you from you every morning.

When we learn to adore our selves on the deepest of levels, it becomes easier to keep our other resolutions as well.  Our deep caring for Self helps us to be more discerning about how much we take into our being, whether it be food, drink, media, or even other people’s energy for good or for bad.

We begin to make decisions about how we treat ourselves based on our own deep sense of self love.  All this is based on you, no one else. Did you not receive the love you craved as a child?   Or maybe its even missing in your current relationships.  Give it to yourself!  Right now!  Do not wait!

My friend and teacher, Bobbie Corbean, scheduled date nights by herself.  She would go to the opera, a movie, a concert alone—- on purpose. She fixed her favorite meals for just herself.  She always said when she felt disconnected from herself, she knew it was time to take some quality time to be with herself.

How can we truly love another without knowing and passionately loving ourself?  From the words of the Christ, “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  It is implied— “Love yourself” and then all the rest happens. It is a kind of magic!

Let’s take a moment together.  Take a deep breath….. Take one more.   Let yourself relax.  Let your shoulders move down away from your ears.  Now, one more full deep breath.  Now place both your hands on your heart center. Can you feel your heart beat?  If not, its OK.  But feel your hand touching your heart center.  Feel love and compassion for yourself.

If that is difficult, let yourself experience the love you have for someone special, or a pet that loves you unconditionally.  Slowly open your heart to YOU.

You are an exquisite creation of the Universe. You are unique and more lovable than you will ever know.

Keep all this in your heart as you make your resolutions.   Start anew any day and everyday.  Keep it all going by believing in You.  The magic is inside.  The buried treasure you seek is in your heart.

One more deep breath. How beautiful.

The Kid I Never Knew

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IMG_2548I truly love the synchronicities of the Universe. I believe they happen all the time but most of us are only occasionally aware of them.

For example, last weekend we hosted a private retreat in our home for two of our friends who are seeking to take their practices deeper and open up to the loving heart that is at their core.

During one of our discussions on the Sunday of the retreat, I shared with them the story of my Mom telling me at 8 years old to stop being the parent. I said back to her, “Well one of us has to be!” *

My mom and her lovely friends got such a kick out it. I remember getting mad – I was an 8 year old who thought that I was so mature and willing to take the reins of control in an adult world.

This story fit in to their personal retreat as we discussed why we humans have control issues and why we try hard to keep uncertainty and vulnerability at bay. Something I had obviously been doing since at least 8 years old.

This morning, by opening one particular email, I experienced a synchronicity that took my own story to a new level.  I subscribe to the newsletters of a fitness, nutrition and juicing expert named Drew Canole. The title of his Monday, 10/5/2015 Newsletter was: Stop Being An Adult and Let Your Inner Child Free.

The “Stop Being An Adult” from Drew and “Stop Being the Parent” from my own story with my mom, was close enough to make it feel like a personal message from the Universe. Coincidence—-hmmmmm.  Synchronicity——-Yes!

Drew’s message is about looking back at the carefree times of childhood when we saw everything with new eyes and wonder – A time when most children are not self-conscious about running to the ice cream truck or playing games with their friends.

I think this is a great reminder for those of you who have memories of times of being carefree and not being self-conscious. But what about the rest of us? I have a feeling that I am not the only one who doesn’t remember a time like that.

It seemed “being a kid” did not come natural to me.  In my childhood, my mom loved to play board games and she would beg me to play with her – but, they seemed silly to me. I can’t remember a time when I was not conscious of my actions and how they might be perceived by others.  Kids my age weren’t my favorite group to be around.  I preferred the company of adults. Strangely enough I felt like those who had 20, 30, 40 years on me were my peers.

We all have our story. And our story is ours to have and to hold or to let go and move on.  Interestingly, I have been feeling the “absence of a full fledge childhood,” and I have been wondering how I can reclaim one now as an adult.

As Drew says in his video, “Kids teach us something magical. They can teach us through ‘play’ how to live, laugh and love and to truly enjoy our time here in this life.”  Right on Drew!

In the realm of Yoga as a spiritual way of life rather than just poses, we cultivate practices and a way of living that help us to re-open and rediscover our hearts. It is in our hearts, our pure hearts that we come to know a life of love, compassion and joy.  And like a child, we share it outwardly with others to make the circle complete.

My brother and sister in law, Mark and Eileen have two beautiful grandkids ages three and one who adore them. They love hanging out with Yaya and Papa because these two ‘adults in chronological years’, build tents in the living room,  play dress up, paint rocks, go to the zoo, the park……

They encourage Brooke and Bryce to be kids full on without holding back.

I know we all have responsibilities and need to make a living but can we open ourselves up to doing it with joy and maybe even a little wonder and excitement?

One of our retreat participants, who is a Ph.D. and has a well-established career, told me that she wondered if she had not yet learned to be a responsible adult. She explained that she has so many interests, so much passion for exploring and being playful that are all related to children.

Hold on to it Rita!  Most of us are hoping to rediscover those qualities or for some of us to cultivate them for the first time.

What do you want from your one precious life? If joy, happiness and an open heart are on your list, take some time to be with and observe a child or two or maybe a whole playground.

I think it’s time for me to make the 5 and younger set my peers. I recently started taking five minutes each day to bang on my bongo set. I am buying a canvas and some paints to start my painting career. I am going to squeeze in some daydream time to my week as well.

I invite you to join me. Rekindle a relationship with the kid you were long ago or come to know the Kid you never knew. How exciting to start on a new relationship with yourself.

Come on, I’ll race you to the big tree and back. And let’s celebrate whoever wins and then just keeping playing.

Choose to enjoy your life. Bet you can!

Peace,

Rob Dorgan

*The full story is in our October 2015 Themes for Life.

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