A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Feng Shui Simply

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CherylGrace_homeI had the pleasure of meeting Cheryl Grace when she gave an introductory talk on the Principles of Feng Shui at Wings Bookstore in St. Petersburg, FL. While the topic was super interesting, her delivery of the material in a highly entertaining and authentic way truly made it captivating.

I couldn’t resist the urge to get a few minutes of face time with her at the end of the talk . She’s the kind of lady you want to get a dirty martini with and “kibitz”. I had to ask for an interview, and she graciously granted it.

Cheryl Grace (www.CherylGrace.com) is the Hay House author of “Feng Shui Simply: Change Your Life from the Inside Out”, a Feng Shui consultant, Reiki Master, Watercolorist, and Motivational Speaker. Here’s what she had to share about creating change in your life to have what you truly desire:

Mary (M): You talk in the book about an inner knowing you had about making the switch in career, geography, everything! How did this present to you? And how did you know that you weren’t crazy?

Cheryl Grace (CG): I was travelling upward in the corporate world, achieving what society’s definition of was: wealth, status, and accumulating material objects. However, I wasn’t happy. The switch came to me while I was sitting on a beach in Dunedin, FL. It was rare that my life wasn’t wall-to-wall busy.

Quiet time on the beach gave me the chance to reflect on the life I was now living wasn’t satisfying and that I needed to find my life’s work. On the way home, I read the book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui and for some reason, this was the opening for me. I wanted to pursue this fascinating subject, and by doing so, it led me to being a full time feng shui practitioner. When you know, you know. I never felt crazy.

M: What was your greatest fear, and your greatest comfort about making this total life change?

CG: The greatest comfort was that I was now going to be permanently off of the hamster wheel of corporate business life and that I would be working for myself. I was excited to follow an industry that I felt passionate about. I wasn’t ever afraid. I’ve always managed to land on my feet and I’m a hard worker. What you fear you will draw to you, so I never indulged in fear.

M: What advice would you give someone who is contemplating changing every thing as they know it?

CG: I always say, “Never jump out of a plane without a parachute.” Create a business plan that addresses the financial impact of your decisions. If you chase the inspiration and not the money, you’re headed in the right direction. While there might be a few cross roads on your path, everything will fall into place exactly when it’s supposed to. You have to have faith in your future.

M: What advice can you give to someone who doesn’t think they know who their authentic self is at all? How would you tell them to find it?

CG: If you make a “bucket list” of all the things you like to do or hope to do in your lifetime and pursue one at a time, it’s a surefire way to your authentic self. If you are trying to find happiness outside of yourself (a job, another person) or doing anything that you are unable to connect with, then you’re living someone else’s life.

Your instinct and your intuition is the GPS system of your life.

M: What “inside” feng shui principle most impacted you and your life? What was the challenge to “getting it”?

CG: I’ve read a lot of feng shui books and I feel personally that I know more about feng shui than even the amount of reading or education I’ve been introduced to. It’s a God-given talent. For a student of feng shui, the material has to resonate with you before you can “buy into” it. I find that by applying the feng shui enhancements in your home and living by the feng shui principles has completely changed my life for the better. Anyone can benefit from the power of feng shui just by following the basic principles. Practice makes perfect.

M: What is the number one rule you live by? And did you always live by it?

CG: That everything that happens to me in life is a GIFT. It’s happening FOR me, not TO me. I’m not a victim. That no matter what an adverse or challenging a situation is, it was pass. “This too shall pass.” And no, I didn’t live by this until I discovered feng shui.

M: What’s the biggest thing you have learned from changing your life completely?

CG: That I’m always able to peacefully cope with challenges and change with the tools and wisdom I’ve learned from feng shui. There are always going to be obstacles, but I look at everything that happens to me as a gift. It’s there to take me to a better place.

End Dreadful Dating Forever

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Fotolia_46852714_Subscription_Monthly_MDating! Who actually enjoys it? No one is probably the honest answer. No matter how young or old you are; or how new to it or long you’ve been at it, dating is no fun.

The unfortunate part of it all is that it’s absolutely necessary. It’s actually down right good for us. It helps us to get to know ourselves better, grow and expand in the ability to be more comfortable presenting ourselves to the world (hopefully your true self), and also get clearer about the things that we do and do not want in our lives.

Good for us or not, most singles don’t like doing it and those in committed relationships are too quick to offer that they are so glad they don’t have to do it any more. What is it about the dating process that is so undesirable?

I believe that one of the first things is that people forget that it’s a process. It’s not meant to be hard or easy. It’s not meant to be successful every time. We become incredibly attached to the outcome, and we often attach some sense of self worth or value to the experiences. I always advise clients to treat dating like a job interview. You may be totally capable, beyond qualified to “fill the position” but it doesn’t mean you are the right fit. This truly isn’t personal. What it does mean is that there is something even better and more worthy of all you have to offer and bring to the table still out there.

Second, dating can be an excellent way for you to practice really “showing yourself.” This person doesn’t really know you that well. If the date goes horribly wrong for some reason, you’ll probably never see them again and it’ll have virtually no impact on your life. So flaunt your stuff! Have you always felt like you had to wear floor length skirts and conservative tops, but there’s a hot momma dying to get out? Then go for it on a date. Do you often silence your opinions and ideas for fear that someone won’t agree with you and get upset? Practice dropping original thoughts and perspectives into the conversation on a date. You don’t have to go “balls-to-the-wall” with these new aspects of yourself. Just a little, as much as you are comfortable, until you get more comfortable with more. Don’t worry that your date will get the wrong impression of you or reject you because you let your real self come through. If this person was truly right for you, they’ll love the hints of the true you which you are willing to share. Part of why some of us dislike dating is because it feels like we have to put on a show, or hide parts of our self. News flash…you don’t

There are tons of dating tips and advice that I could dole out, but I think one of the last suggestions for taking the dread out of dating might be to remember to not play games. So many people get turned off to the idea of dating because they think everyone is playing games. Simply put…you attract what you put out there. So if you are fearing that people are being dishonest with you or playing games with you, bingo, that’s what you’ll get. If you yourself are worried about seeming to easy, or too available, or too interested and are contriving your responses, behaviors, or emotions to try and fit some old adage about dating “rules”; you will encounter others that are “playing the game” right back. Like it or not, this is universal truth. Instead, remember that you can’t screw up ending up with “the one”. If you are meant to be with someone, letting your feelings be expressed or showing the real level of interest that you have won’t mess things up. If you come on strong and authentic and revealing, and dude or dudette is turned off and runs the other way, GOOD! This just saved you both a lot of time and effort figuring out if you are compatible. Do you really want to date or end up in a relationship with someone who you have to constantly be monitoring your emotions and reactions with? My guess is no.

Dating, like everything else in our lives, is just yet another human experience we chose to have. Yes, you chose to have it. There is much to learn and help us grow from meeting these new people.

Sometimes there might not be a love connection, but perhaps a new friend. Or, they may turn you on to a new activity or organization that you really enjoy. Sometimes they show you all that you really do want, and sometimes solidify the things you don’t.

Treat dating as an experience that is meant to help you grow, and release the drudgery of dating.

Dating A Boy Of A Different Kind

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Fotolia_52949512_Subscription_XXLYou consider yourself part of the bohemian lifestyle, all things commercialized are a disgrace, and no “real” job should interfere with doing what you love and finding your purpose. He on the other hand, is suit by day and part of the whole mind-numbing rat race. He has the stylish apartment and the BMW; and yet, you met him in the organic food section at the supermarket. You started swamping recipes and realized you enjoy each other. He makes you laugh. You love cooking together or eating at ethnic restaurants, but a lot of things are off limits. You don’t like the same music, same places for weekend get-away’s, and you find his friends shallow. Can you overcome the differences even though you really, really enjoy him as a person?

Or, what if you are an attorney making your way to partner and he is the manager of a taco bell? You met him at a chic new martini bar and he was dressed to kill. You never would have guessed that he comes home smelling like grease every night. He has no ambition to leave or advance. He likes his little world. He definitely has a lot of mental and philosophical similarities, but he is a beer drinking mans-man and you don’t have a lot of similar interests. He gets discouraged when he can’t afford to do things for you or you want to do things that he can’t afford to do. Some things you just can’t relate to, but you love your time with him anyway.

Is this relationship doomed straight from the start, or is there a way to make it work?

I think it really depends on what the differences are and how important it is to you that they be the same. You are hopefully mature and secure enough to know that you don’t have to have the same interests. If he loves NASCAR and Budweiser, you don’t have to share that. Occasionally sacrificing a few hours on a Sunday just to watch part of the race with him is great but other than that, use that time to go to an art gallery or catch up with the girls. Do something you know he’s not totally into that you like. Conversely, do you see him making efforts to partake in the things that you enjoy that he could care less about? This give and take of small compromises is vital in a lasting relationship.

If the differences are of fundamental issues, like work ethic, priorities in life, or values…you would be best to take some time to examine how important they are to you, but chances are this isn’t going to work. Does he have a disgruntled relationship with his family and think it’s totally odd that you actually like to connect with yours regularly? This could be an issue, especially if he acts like a two-year old about your insistence that it is important to you that he attends your nephew’s baptism. Do you need growth and adventure as a regular part of your life? Where as he would rather stay spending his weekend in the lazy boy for the rest of his days? This is a needs and values difference. Don’t sacrifice what you believe, or need, for him. You’ll eventually come to resent it. Don’t try and convert him to your ideals either. You wouldn’t want him to do that to you.

Sometimes being open to the world, lifestyles, and viewpoints outside of our own is really enlightening, and fulfilling. Just because you’ve always gone for the retired college jock type, doesn’t mean your true partner won’t be a sensitive, open mic poet type. Anytime we restrict our options, or keep ourselves in a box we are probably not having the fullest experience we could be.

All this being said, you want to make sure the core beliefs are the same if nothing else. It is important to know that your relationship needs will be met, one way or another, in some form. Just as you shouldn’t restrict yourself in seeing what might be appealing and work, don’t limit your ability to get your needs met.

Sometimes you can have not enough in common. People can be too opposite. Opposites don’t always attract!

Get Up On Your High Horse

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Fotolia_19719715_Subscription_XXLWe all have a voice. A platform. A way of being able to help and serve others.  You might not think of yourself that way, but it is true.

Believe that you are touching people’s lives and making a difference every single day, in your own way. Whether you realize it, or meant to, or not.

Sometimes we share a personal experience, or a gentle observation about life. Sometimes we turn the mirror back around on someone with a grander, not-so-gentle outlook on another’s current situation.  All of these things, when meant to help and given with an intention of love, can make a positive difference in someone’s life.

This means that in your way, with your true self, you are being of service to the greater good of those whom you are connecting.  Never underestimate your power and ability to make a difference-to have an impact.

Know with certainty that sometimes you must stand from a higher vantage point in order to be able to offer this help.  Many of us fear that we will be seen as a know-it-all, or as standing in judgment of another.  But check in with yourself.  Remember that if your intention is pure and you aren’t standing in judgment, how another perceives it is none of your business.  You do the best you can, with the right frame of mind.

Don’t be afraid to show your true self and offer your personal wisdom.   We go through experiences in this life in order to learn. Sometimes that learning is not just valuable to our selves, but to those that you meet as well. You truly never know how sharing will touch someone and create a positive affect in another’s life. You serve the world by getting up on your high horse when you are not doing it from a place of authority or ego, but instead, a desire to offer something to make someone else’s experience seem a little lighter or clearer.

There are a couple rules of thumb that can help you get your message across in the most loving way. The first is to stop and remember, “Was I asked? Are they asking for my input?” Nothing comes across as being more “high and mighty” than putting in your two cents when it’s unsolicited.

Next ask, “What is my intention in offering this sage advice?” Is it with good intention, love, and gentle awareness? The gentle awareness piece can be key. Can you offer it gently without it coming across as rough, uncaring? Are you about to spit out your superior insights because you are thinking, “you can not really be this dumb?” Because if you are…I’d say take a step back, a deep breath, and mostly, REMAIN SILENT. This is not the time or emotional space to be doling out “how to’s” and “you should’s”.

Which actually brings up an extra side note. If what is about to come out of your mouth includes the phrase “you should” or “you shouldn’t”, I’d ask you to think twice. Should’s are often an indication of a personal perspective that is imposing on someone else’s ability to have their own perspective. It doesn’t mean that you are doing it maliciously, just know that there is often that energy associated with a “should”.

My final point is to go with your gut. As always, check in for a quick moment. Did you just recognize a flash of gloating that this person is coming to you with this particular problem for help? Does the response rolling around in your head make you feel a little tense or make your stomach turn? This could mean a couple things depending on how well you communicate on an emotional level, but you know yourself. So what does it mean for you?

Did a personal story pop into your mind as they were explaining their situation? For me, that’s always an indication that there is a nugget of wisdom in there that is probably beneficial for the other person. So tell your story, even if it isn’t exactly clear how it might relate to them. This is your “gut” talking.

Remember that knights in shining armor sit up on high horses. Being up on your high horse does not always have to have the negative connotation that we often associate it with. The knights were perched up there for a better, clearer line of sight. It offered them extra protection from the messiness that was down below. In this same way, your elevated view when guiding another may not be such a bad thing. It can be to their advantage.

So ride high my friends! You must go off bravely, sharing your wisdom and insight. You never know who may be in need of rescuing.

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