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Face Your Fears

September 15, 2014 by Shann VanderLeek

And Claim Your True Calling

Fotolia_18170074_Subscription_Monthly_M

“Creating your life on your own terms is really about allowing for grace through your next transition.”

I woke up in a dreadful fury. The red light on the alarm clock glared at me: 5:30 a.m. A few more minutes of sleep was all I wanted – anything to put off going back to another useless morning meeting.

Does this sound like your average day? It used to be mine.

For many years, I had enjoyed my job, but now it felt more like a prison sentence, and I knew I had to find a way to escape. I decided that I deserved to follow my creative calling. It was time to get real, face my fears, develop a career transition plan, and become the mistress of my own destiny.

I was unconsciously bumping around from one role to the next, one task to the next, seemingly dead inside. It made me ask myself: how had I become numb and cut off from a world filled with abundance and wonder?

What does going through the motions look like? Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when you’re just “bumping around” while you’re still bumping around. You may feel confused, fearful, angry, and scattered. You may distrust your own decisions and feel more worried or anxious than normal. The pain of an uninspired work life lends itself to a reactionary autopilot protection program that only makes things worse. Living on perpetual autopilot does not serve anybody well.

One big red flag for change is that you’ve been putting your life on hold. Are you waiting for your tenth anniversary watch/clock/golf clubs before moving on? Are you putting off having children or taking a life-changing adventure vacation because you “can’t afford” to be away from your desk? If so, ask yourself what you’re really waiting for.

I remember precisely when I realized I was ready to let go of everything and pursue my calling. I was in a meeting with my peers and our newly-appointed general manager. The true purpose of the meeting was lost as a discussion about the future of our sales force suddenly took a nose dive, becoming a mosh pit of ruthless judgments. The experience was awful. I lost my cool while being interrogated by someone with absolutely zero knowledge of sales management and even less compassion for our tenured sales staff. I was trapped in the no-win game of arrogance and corporate garbage, and I experienced a complete emotional meltdown.

At that moment I completely shut down; I looked out the conference room window. Blazing across the sky was an intense, perfect rainbow. I was the only person in the room with this spectacular view, and in that instant, I knew I had to get out of the company to save my soul.

Another sure sign of impending change is the feeling that you must make a difference in the world. The paycheck and the benefits are no longer enough. For me, a major turning point was the realization that selling television commercials does absolutely nothing meaningful for the world. Advertisers spend stacks of cash to promote products like Viagra and Lipitor so the general public can get an erection and eat more cheeseburgers.

Wow!

This wasn’t an easy truth to swallow: I had invested much of my life in the television advertising business, and I loved the game – until I didn’t anymore.

Hey, people change.

In fact, we are all changing every day: evolving, growing, and learning; researching, soul searching, and witnessing our lives. But these are small changes, accomplished over time. If you want to make a big change, begin by focusing on your current scenario. Where are you right now in relation to where you want to be? When your life is more miserable than happy because you no longer fit into the confines of your career, it’s time to a) get a new job, or b) become an entrepreneur.

My internal transition lasted for almost one year. Before I was ready to move forward, I had to have several deep and lengthy conversations with my husband, move around investments, secure a line of credit, negotiate a healthy severance package, and buy a new car. Admittedly, this part of the planning process was uncomfortable for a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants woman who’d never thought about money, but I’m glad I went through it. Once those things were out of the way, it freed me up to flesh out the other aspects of my business plan. It’s difficult to dream big if you’re worried about where the groceries are going to come from next week!

In the beginning, my inner critic would berate me with statements like: “How could you walk away from eighteen years of sales and leadership success to do this? Reinventing yourself is a waste of time.” When I heard that voice I would do my best to think, “Nonsense! Cancel! Clear!”

Fear is the biggest saboteur of your auspicious goal to reinvent yourself. Fear can take hold of you and cling like an evil shadow until you decide to take action. The voices in your head that mutter things like, “I can’t,” “I’m afraid,” “I’ll let somebody down,” “I’m not good enough,” or “Don’t quit your day job!” represent pesky negative programming that must be undone. If you don’t address it, you will continue to play on a fear-breeding mental merry-go-round.

When undertaking my own transition, my biggest fear was losing everything I’d created over a lifetime serving the television industry. I had power, money, an exquisite lifestyle and lots of material wealth. How could I chuck the stability to follow my dream? I struggled with severe self-doubt. Was I a fraud? Could I really go it alone?

After thoughtful consideration and soulful conversations with loved ones, moving toward my dreams became my ONLY option. Transformational coaching, writing, voice work and yoga have become the stones that pave my way. Learning to honor my natural rhythm, explore new interests, and inspire others is hugely rewarding.

The process of uncovering your calling and learning to trust in yourself, your passion, and the Universe is like riding a wave of pure, unbridled joy. When the wave crests, you’re suddenly on top of the world – but you might also find a wash of peacefulness tugging at the corner of your lips, the promise of a smile.

Do you have the courage to face your fears and surrender to your true calling?

5 Tips To Come To Grips When You Get Triggered & Angry

August 28, 2014 by Shann VanderLeek

Fotolia_33631304_Subscription_XLHave you ever known a person who seems to be angry or full of venom all of the time? This sort of ever-present dark energy can be really draining. I refer to these infuriated folks as energy vampires.

Sad to say, there are countless people in the world who are angry for all of the unpleasant incidents they’ve encountered throughout their lives. These energy vampires seem to carry all of their negative experiences with them wherever they go.

While we all have experienced heart breaking moments, we can learn to accept the situation and move on with our lives instead sucking the joy out of the present moment.

Anger can be a deeply destructive emotion if we let it get out of control and remain attached to our Ego’s expectations. Holding on to the venom of destructive feelings can trigger depression, bring on disease and contribute to a general sense of dissatisfaction. Getting angry is natural, how you handle anger is another animal all together.

Each of us has the capacity to learn how to let go of guilt, anger, and shame.

5 Tips to Come to Grips

1. Allow yourself to be pissed off for 15 minutes then take action.

Anger is natural and acceptable emotion for a short period of time. Allowing time to feel and express your anger is healthy. The key is to feel it, and then take a deep breath and address the situation. How can you deal with what happened. What steps can you take to make things right?

2. Reframe the situation as “a moment in time” and then let it go.

Have you ever looked back on an anger-filled emotional situation and laughed? I suspect you are nodding that you have. The point here is you will recover and life will get back on track.

Last week I was angry with a customer service person who forgot that “service” was a part of her title. After lots of uncomfortable hoop jumping, everything was resolved. At that point I had 2 choices. Let it go, or dump on everyone I know about my crappy experience.

3. Learn to Forgive: Forgiveness is healthy and all about YOU letting go of useless baggage.

Practice forgiveness whenever you can. You will feel better and lighter for having the courage to allow for human weakness. Let it go. Kids are great teachers of forgiveness. Notice how easily they forgive each other and move on.

4. Take stock in your relationships; words are irreversible and unrepeatable.

This quote explains this situation perfectly … Think before you speak.

Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue is like an arrow shot from the bow. That arrow won’t turn back on its way; you must damn the torrent at its source.– Rumi

5. Walk away from Energy Vampires

Unless you have some sort of super protective energy force field, do yourself a favor and walk away from people who rant and rave and suck up all of your positive energy. If you can’t get away, add some humor to the encounter. Energy Vampires will be thrown off by your silliness and will move on to their next willing audience member.

Follow these simple tips and you will open yourself to a well-balanced, healthy way of living.

5 Steps to Compassionate Self-Care

July 31, 2014 by Shann VanderLeek

Fotolia_53814602_Subscription_XXLFresh from a relaxing bath I marvel at my healthy form and feel thankful for learning how to appreciate and lovingly care for my body. I love my Shann-ness: curvaceous, flexible and strong.

I haven’t always felt this way. Years ago I had very little body-mind awareness. The disconnect had to do with overindulging in my former high-stress career, mind numbing drama, rich restaurant food, and partying like a rock star on the weekends. Thankfully, motherhood, Martial Arts and Yoga helped me walk away from a soul sucking career and bloated lifestyle which no longer suited me.

While lost in my career aspirations, I morphed into the predominately male culture in which I was immersed. I played golf, drank the finest wine and on occasion enjoyed smoking expensive cigars. I could be arrogant, impatient and totally closed off to myself.

At that time in my life, I was physically and spiritually inactive with the exception of an occasional visit to church on Sunday and weekend warrior activities. Escalating body weight and over-the-top Migraine headaches finally got my attention. I was anxious, depressed and out of touch with the body I’d kicked to the curb. My priority became letting go of what no longer served me so I could consciously create a new way of living. I was in desperate need of compassionate self-care. Can you relate?

A friend recommended yoga as a healthy activity to lower my stress levels and get in touch with my body again. Practicing yoga dramatically began to improve my life. In the years I have been interested in, studying and currently teaching yoga playshops; I have reinvented myself and learned to honor my mind, body and soul.

My personal recipe for compassionate self-care includes creating a sacred environment, honoring your body, practicing yoga, positive self-talk and getting unplugged.

Sacred Environment

Compassionate self-care includes surrounding yourself with a clean and beautiful environment. My walls are adorned with a collection of original artwork and landscape photographs. I keep a beautiful feminine alter showcasing love notes, flowers, images of my daughter and special treasures. My space is spiritual, colorful and exotic.

Aromatherapy is also part of my sacred life. I regularly spray lavender in the room for a calming effect or lemongrass when I want to wake up my senses. Smudging and burning my favorite Japanese incense is perfect for meditation, prayer, energy clearing and quieting my mind.

Honor Your Body

The benefits of massage therapy include lowering stress, deep relaxation, and improved circulation. I honor my body with regular hot stone body work. Part of my self-care routine also includes enjoying a soak in the tub several times each week. I love the calming energy of a hot bath with Epsom salts and lavender. I recommend creating a divine space complete with candles, incense, soothing music or a good book to read. Honoring my body also includes eating whole foods, raw foods and being conscious of how I nourish my body.

Practice Yoga

Yoga means union. Nurturing your body, mind and soul with a regular yoga practice can help you get in touch with who you are on a deeper level. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself through restorative poses. Tuning into my breath and how I feel while moving my body is a gift. Practicing yoga improves my body consciousness and helps me remain flexible and peaceful. I delight in leading yoga playshops for women in desperate need of soulful, relaxing retreat time.

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self talk is one of my favorite weapons to combat disempowering mental commentary. On occasion my mind can be an unruly playground filled with bullies, tattle tales and mean girls. When I am feeling battered by the schoolyard bully, positive self-talk is my magic weapon. I am no longer willing to live in the shame pit created by the harsh judgement of my inner critic. When feeling emotionally drained or insecure, I practice an internal dialogue like: “I approve of myself” or “All is well, I am safe.” Compassionate self-talk improves your self-confidence. Witnessing your internal dialogue will help you learn to practice nonviolent communication.

Get Unplugged

It is essential to regularly get unplugged from your highly connected virtual environment. I create an oasis of time each day to get out into the natural world. My mental clarity improves when I commit to hiking along a woodland trail or walking on the shores of Lake Michigan. When I’m freaking out about having too much on my plate, I make it a priority to step away from this self-imposed madness to soak up the sweetness of the day.

Not too long ago my soul was crying out for my attention. I’m so glad I listened. Compassionate self-care is a special gift that will improve your quality of life and well being.

Questions:

1. How do you practice compassionate self-care?

2. Is something in your life stifling your spirit? If so, what will you do to address it and honor yourself?

3. What does your self-talk sound like? When your inner critic tries to run the show how will you respond?

Magic Happens When Women Circle Up

June 26, 2014 by Shann VanderLeek

fotolia_8044338_Subscription_LA little over two years ago I began my first conscious journey around the sacred wheel of the 13 Grandmothers. My experience in this wise woman’s circle has rocked my world, healed my heart and truly changed my life in countless ways.

This weekend I will walk through the gateway of initiation as a member of the Changing Woman Sisterhood. I’ve have deep respect for the women in our circle. I have learned so much from each of them. We’ve laughed, cried, freaked out and even felt like we were going crazy at times. Together, we lost our way and found ourselves again. We have witnessed the joy and sadness of this earth walk for each other. During our initiation ceremony we will spiral back to the beginning of the wheel, circle inward and consciously come back home to ourselves.

When women come together and share from the heart:

  • We learn to let down our masks.
  • We learn that we each have permission to relax into who we are in the moment.
  • We can be vulnerable or strong.
  • We can participate or pass.
  • We learn that we have a choice.
  • We learn that we are not responsible for what other people think
  • We don’t have to accept or respond to others’ projections.
  • We learn to simply show up.

I’ve witnessed warrior women become soft and watched quiet women find their voice and learn to stand their ground. We practiced resonance and grounding techniques. We faced our shadows. We stepped into the responsibility of healing our lineage and in doing so, healed 7 generations of the women who came before us and the next 7 generations to come.

Powerful. Profound. Healing.

Throughout this journey, the grandmother’s gave me countless gifts and heavy blows to my ego. We walked through the forest on sacred ground and contemplated what we most needed it heal. During our first healing weekend we worked as a team preparing food, shared stories, drummed, sang and receiving powerful healing in the sweat lodge that we built together.

For this coming weekend I’ve been asked to identify what I am ready to let go of to make space for the woman I will become. I plan to let go of my inner tyrant’s hold on me along with the insecurity that often comes from harsh self-judgement and the “Who am I to be/do/say”? questions that come up on occasion. I will fill the space by opening myself to receive grace, compassion and self-love for the rest of the days of my life. I will practice remembering that I am worthy of all that I desire in this lifetime.

I’ve learned so much in these last two years. I’ve grown as a woman and feel I’ve crossed the threshold into adulthood. I’m really clear about what I’m responsible for. I’ve learned to ask for help, to lighten up and trust the process. ‘Trust and Surrender’ has been my personal mantra during this sacred journey. (Highly recommended for control freaks, perfectionists and high maintenance personalities)

One of the most powerful take aways over this period of time is the value of circling up with a community of women. The gift of learning how to set a safe container anchored in love which gave us the chance to receive our perfect knowing for that moment in time.

I am so thankful to come away with a rich tapestry of friendship, storytelling, healing, prayer, creativity, ruthless compassion and so much more.

I couldn’t have found a better teacher than the woman who facilitates our group. Lorraine is powerful, brilliant, flexible, funny and creative. She fills up a room with boundless energy, endless wisdom and a deep well of acceptance. She has taught me so much about community. She set and anchored a safe and sacred container for transparent stories, and deep healing. Thanks to Lorraine and my sisters, I have become a wheel dancer deepening into the present moment. This is my sacred life.

If you’ve been considering joining a wise women’s circle, I highly recommend that you do some research and find a group that resonates with you. Here’s some of what you can expect if you say yes to steeping into a community circle:

  • You’ll experience women you connect with immediately.
  • You’ll meet women who push your buttons.
  • You’ll meet women who remind you of people you’ve known before.
  • You’ll see yourself in the mirror of the group’s stories
  • You will meet your shadow, learn to shine your light and give her hug.
  • You’ll have a better understanding of why people behave the way they do.

Every woman brings value and teachings to her community. Every Transformation Goddess who says yes to dancing around the wheel is in for one hell of a ride.

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