A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

My Judgment Is My Teacher

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Fotolia_52686024_Subscription_Monthly_MThere are moments when we judge ourselves. There is no right or wrong, good or bad in this experience unless we judge judgment to be bad and wrong. Making peace with our judgment moves us closer to living our oneness. Our judgment defines who we are, and it shapes the beliefs and values we represent in this lifetime – it is an inseparable part of our journey. As we grow to understand the natural function of judgment, we may release our guilt about it.

Some teachers disguise judgment as discernment; they teach us that it is wrong to judge but wise to use discernment. Discernment is simply a synonym for judgment, nothing more. In my judgment, teaching us to frown upon judgment is a religious tenet that promotes our habits of separation and internal conflict. Disguising judgment in the cloak of the gentler, more “spiritually” correct words such as discernment is manipulative. It does not support our growth, our awareness, and our awakening.

Using another word for judgment allows us to continue believing that judgment is bad while discernment has good intentions. What if we allow the word judgment to have equally good intentions? By treating our natural inclination to judge as a bad thing, we continue to promote the idea that there’s something wrong with human nature. Shameful judgment about judgment has been handed to us, without question, through religion and spirituality.

As an example, in the Christian community, issuing a judgment is considered wrong. Certain scriptures admonish Christians not to judge. There is wisdom in this teaching when the aim of the followers is to love one another unconditionally. Yet, included in the Christian faith there are many rules by which devotees judge each other as well as non-believers. Christians say that it is wrong to judge, while they engage in judgment. Teaching people that it is bad to judge is confusing. This is the moment, right now, for us to grow beyond the guilt and shame of our nature to judge and cultivate our awareness of oneness.

Yet judgment can become an obstacle on our path. When I forget that ALL of my judgment is an expression of who I am, I have fallen asleep and imagine that we are separate. Living our oneness, I remember that I cannot judge you, nor can you judge me. Every judgment made reveals only who I am; it’s not about you. My judgment tells me what is right or wrong for me – not for you. Your judgment is not about me, either.

Moreover, falling into a habit of pretending that I am judging you creates energy blockages in my expression of life energy. Pretending that I’m judging others blinds me to my whole self. Do I judge myself to be better than or lesser than another? Do my judgments block my compassion and empathy for myself and others? Do I permit my judgment to create “us versus them” energy in our society? Is my attention present or have I fallen asleep? When I am awake, my judgment is a teacher that I heed. I am grateful to my judgment for revealing my core beliefs.

Further, if I judge myself harshly, I invite feelings of guilt and shame into my expression of life energy. Feelings of shame and guilt are not good or bad either, yet if they become stuck in the energy body, these feelings begin to manifest as ailments in the physical body. All feeling energy is meant to be felt in the moment and released. Upon judging ourselves as guilty, we feel ashamed and tend to punish ourselves repeatedly. We attach to our judgment of guilt rather than accept the message within it and let it go. The path to letting go of my guilt is to forgive myself completely. Forgiveness is not about forgetting the lesson; forgiveness is about love.

There is value in remembering that just as I cannot actually judge another, I cannot be judged by another. Outwardly directed judgment is an illusion. I have discovered the humor in observing the judgment issued regarding the judgment of others. If someone points out that I am judging them, I own it. Also, if they are a student of oneness, I ask, who is judging you? I cannot feel judged by another unless I allow myself to adopt a feeling of guilt. I cannot judge another, and no one judges me but me. If I have forgotten this, I am grateful to be reminded. I understand that ALL judgment is self-judgment. Embracing our nature to judge frees us from imagined separation. All judgment is spoken into the mirror of reality. Do I listen to the voice of my judgment? What am I learning about who I am? How do my beliefs serve me?

I set the intention to let my judgment be my teacher. Judgment is a natural part of life, and I embrace the function of judgment without fear or shame. I notice when I am judging, and I let go of feeling guilty about my judgment so that I may listen closely to my inner guidance. I remember that my judgment is teaching me about beliefs held within my authentic self. In each moment, I have the freedom to decide if the beliefs I hold serve my well-being. I thank my judgment for bringing my core beliefs to my conscious awareness. I release feelings of guilt for thinking or speaking my judgment. I hear my judgment telling me who I am. Then, I gracefully let go of my judgment as I live my life true to who I am.

In summary, my judgment is my teacher, and I listen attentively. I look in the mirror of my judgment to see my whole self. I stop judging myself harshly for judging. I forgive myself completely. This is loving self-care. This is the journey into living oneness.

Is My Life On Autopilot?

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JG1The question to answer is this: Is my attention present? Consciousness is only ever here now. Thoughts and feelings cannot occur anywhere other than in the present moment. Our physical body exists only in this moment. However, our attention is unfixed in time and space. Our attention drifts away from the present as we experience memories or imagine the future.

Mind is a condition of existence arising from the ever-present consciousness. Observe: if you are absorbed in a memory or thoughts of the future, whether pleasant or unpleasant, the mind is doing this now. Thoughts and feelings rise and pass now. Right now, many people are experiencing feelings connected to memories, while others are anticipating the future.

Our observations of incoming data are immediately placed in context with our past experiences. Because of this process, many people live in the moment as if it equals the past. Are we aware in the moment of our thought and feeling choices, or are we running on autopilot? Are we living our lives in response to what is happening now, or are we reacting to present input based on our past? Do we simply go about running our prerecorded programs? Context predisposes us toward living on autopilot. Often, our routines lull us to sleep, and our attention drifts. This is not good or bad, it just is.

When we live on autopilot, an event occurring now may be unconsciously associated with something that happened in the past. Or, a future event may be equated to a similar past event. If that event was pleasant, we could develop expectations about how the future event will bring joy. Imagine our disappointment if the future doesn’t measure up to our hopes. Dreading a future event is also rooted in our autopilot program.

Is our attention on choosing what we think and how we feel right now? When we practice awareness in the moment, the observer is awake. Awakened, we observe our automatic and habitual thoughts and feelings. In our awakened state, we have the freedom to choose our responses to what is happening now. Awakened, we notice how thoughts and feelings arise and pass—without analysis or attachment. Awareness of the present is often referred to as mindfulness. Mindful focus on the present is powerful because it takes us off of autopilot and restores our power of choice for our emotions, thoughts, and (re)actions.

With a mindfulness practice, we are able to observe and end our habit of reacting to this moment as if it equals the past. With practice, mindfulness relives anxiety about the past and the future. Being aware in the present moment isn’t about forgetting our past or ignoring the future. Keeping our attention present is about making conscious choices. Mindfulness brings our attention to the content of our thoughts and feelings. This action returns us to the point of power—which is now. Keeping our attention present enhances our journey because we stay awake to our moment-to-moment thoughts and feelings that create our experience of reality right now.

The goal is not to forget the past. Our memories contain gifts. Some of our memories are very pleasant; some are not. The feelings happen now. Perhaps a memory helps us learn to forgive ourselves or others. Maybe we are learning to release guilt, or perhaps we are growing to realize that the way my life is today is in my power now. The gift may be learning to let the past go. What if the gift is practicing shifting attention away from the past and into the moment? My point is that memories have something to teach us when our attention is present. Planning for and taking action toward our future is also valuable. We plan for the future with our attention present.

I want to share my simple process: First, I observe that I’m dwelling on a memory. Second, I notice how I’m feeling in the moment. Third, I consciously choose what I want to think and feel in the present. Notice that I don’t beat myself up for drifting into a memory. I welcome my freedom to choose my thoughts and feelings now. I also follow this process when I observe myself future-tripping. I invite you to try this approach if it appeals to you.

While our thoughts and feelings can only occur in the inescapable present, our attention drifts. Running our lives on autopilot equals a surrender of our power. Habitually worrying about past or future events wastes the moment. Nonetheless, our past is a teacher worthy of our respect, and dreaming of a brighter tomorrow may birth positive change—now.

We are living a lifetime. Our memories of the past arise now. Our thoughts about the future occur now. The context of our experience is ever present. Paying attention to the content of our thoughts and feelings allows us to respond to life events in the present. Observe, without judgment or attachment, present thoughts and feelings. Then, decide if a shift in attention is desired. Under all circumstances, be gentle with yourself.

The awakened life requires practice. In every moment ask: Is my attention present? Just asking the question brings our attention into the moment. There are endless resources and countless teachers to assist you if mindfulness is a process that attracts you. I assure you that practicing mindfulness costs nothing. Mindfulness need not be tied to religious doctrine, yet that option is available if you find it fulfilling. I have the highest respect for your discovery and practice of present attention methods that serve you. However you decide to shut off autopilot, enjoy the journey.

Celebrate the Process of Change

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 “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but we rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” –Maya Angelou

Change is the constant companion of life. Some changes result in major transformations while many of our changes are minor. It is important to recognize that change of every type is a source of stress. Even exciting new beginnings create stress responses in the body. With this knowledge, it is advantageous to learn how to embrace the steps of change. Learning to make transitions smoothly reduces stress. Resisting and fighting change magnifies stress. The choice is ours.

Some changes are planned and desired, such as weddings, graduations, promotions, retirement, and so forth. What many of us overlook is that these new beginnings are also endings. One way of life is ending so a new way of life may begin. All beginnings mark the end of something. Even changing a habit requires that something must end.

There are endings that we don’t desire, for example, being fired from a job, loss of our health, loss of a home, the death of a loved one, and so on. Although it may be challenging to see in the moment, these endings mark new beginnings—a new way of life. Every change, large or small, includes an ending as something new begins.

I gained in depth knowledge regarding the process of transformation while serving as a certified hypnotherapist. There are three primary components involved in transformation; they are: what is ending, what is beginning, and the adjustment to the change. The challenge in managing transition is that all of these phases are occurring simultaneously. In most cases, you don’t have the luxury of handling one step at a time. In successful transformation, there is a dance moving us from one foot to another. Loss, adjustment, and new beginnings are interwoven.

Here are a few pointers that may help you move through changes in your life. First, recognize what is ending and do your best to honor the loss. This process may be long when the loss involves death or other significant life changes. Grief is a process that requires awareness, and it includes more than one phase. Realize that we grieve losses of many types. For example, welcoming the first child into the family is a joyous occasion. However, the couple loses the pleasure of focusing exclusively on each other. Even though the baby is welcome, the couple must adjust to changes in their relationship.

Second, allow time for mental and emotional adjustment to change. This adjustment period may be uncomfortable, and it could appear unproductive. For an unknown amount of time, depending upon circumstances, you are redefining, or perhaps even reinventing your identity. Consider the transition that occurs upon graduation. Your identity as a student suddenly ends, and the new lifestyle of career building begins. While you were a student, you developed a familiar routine around your identity. When school ends, a significant identity transition occurs. For a brief time, you may struggle to find yourself and develop new routines.

Whether the transition you are making is major or minor, be gentle with yourself as you move through the adjustment phase. The renovation period is often a time of insecurity. Sometimes we want to go back to the way things were before the change. If we didn’t initiate the change, we may feel angry and defiant. We might deny the need for the change. We might feel disconnected from others or ourselves. The good news is that this phase will pass. One tool that helps us through our momentary instability is to recognize the power inherent in renewal. Ask yourself, who am I in the present? Who do I want to be? Then, breathe deeply and remember that change serves us in many ways.

Next, remember what is beginning. Every ending and every change marks a fresh start. Find the creativity and inspiration present in each transformation. Feel the joy and excitement of change. This phase of transformation is a healthy celebration of what is arriving. Planned and unexpected transformations offer the opportunity for extraordinary growth. Remember that every moment offers the chance for a new beginning. To foster the creative spirit within, remind yourself that my life begins today.

In conclusion: change happens, adjustment takes time, resistance is stressful, and acceptance is helpful. In the face of major change, accept that you have closed a chapter of your story, or even a book, and you are starting fresh. Above all, be as mindful as possible in each phase of the transition dance. Be like the caterpillar: The process of transformation brings forth your untold beauty.

 

 

Everyday Holiday

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JGDuring our holiday season, families gather and practice their traditions of giving thanks, giving gifts, and wishing one another a happy new year. When the nights are long and the days are cold in the northern hemisphere, we spend more time together. Putting up decorations and colorful lights adds luster to the home. Family gatherings are intended to be loving and fun. Being mindful of our gratitude boosts our feelings of contentment. Feasts and gift exchanges are meant to be joyful. Throughout the holiday season we remind one another to be of good cheer.

However, it is not uncommon to hear grumbling about the holidays. People who are very busy wrestle with the need to accomplish even more. Some people suffer stress around expectations connected to gift giving. Some fret over feasts and family gatherings that break down into dysfunctional episodes, or simply don’t measure up to unspoken high hopes. Some people with limited financial resources become painfully aware of lack. Some wealthy people feel guilty about being well-off while others struggle. People who are not feeling merry may notice that emotional condition more acutely in the season of joy. They may imagine others to be extremely happy while they are not. People without immediate family, or a person far from home, may feel more alone at this time of year.

Unfortunately for some, holidays for giving thanks, giving gifts, and setting goals for a happy new year are a source of stress. Some believe that this season, intended to be one of love and joy, has been distorted into a time of high expectations, guilt, disappointment, and commercial profit.

If you suffer additional stress during the holiday season, I humbly offer a few ideas to help lighten your burden. When we change our beliefs, everything changes. What if we acted as if every day is a holiday? Would we be more grateful for our bounty – for the simple gift of this breath? Would we gather the family? Would we ask the folks at the table to tell us something for which they are thankful? Could we let go of expectations that cause stress by letting any meal be a feast? When we are grateful, every day is Thanksgiving Day.

What if we gave gifts to each other every day without a reason? What if we defined gifts in a new way? What if we received the gift in a smile, a hug, a phone call? A gift could be reading, writing a poem, singing together, drawing a picture, or dancing. A gift could be inviting a friend over for dinner. The list of gifts is endless when we stop thinking gifts cost money and come from stores. What if we viewed our conversations as gifts? Will you give the gift of listening today? Love is the greatest gift we give to each other and to ourselves. Give love each day and every day is like Christmas Day.

What if we celebrate the arrival of each day as if we are beginning a new year? In this moment we have the power to make change happen. What if we make resolutions toward better habits right now? The calendar is not in control of when we begin anew. Every moment gives us a chance for a new beginning. What if we remember that now is the only moment, and we celebrate the present? Life is happening in this moment, in this singular breath. Every day is New Year’s Day—let it be fun, let it be filled with inspiration.

Perhaps you don’t celebrate these specific holidays. Do you practice other holiday traditions? What makes a holiday different from any other day? Find that answer for yourself, then do your best to practice your holiday beliefs every day. Why do we behave differently on holidays? Do we allow our seasonal traditions to be loaded with extraordinary expectations? Can we let it go? The power to change our holiday habits is within our control. What if we lived as if every day is a holiday? What if we cherished all acts of kindness and loving moments with friends and family as the most valuable gifts? Would our world transform? Would we live in peace on earth with good will toward all?

Let’s give thanks and simple gifts of love today. Let’s decorate with light from the inside out, right now. Let’s savor this day – this moment – as we remember that only now may we begin again. Today, to the best of our ability, let’s remind one another to be grateful and full of good cheer. After all, today is a holiday.

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